So you want to be a Rock n' Roll star?

Before I became a comedian, and started talking at drunken strangers, I was in a band. It was a psychedelic punk bank called The Slammers, named in part after the masked Mexican wrestler, El Slammer. I played maracas and tambourine (a kind of Bez) as I sung or shouted backing vocals whilst leaping and dancing around the stage. It was psychedelic punk so naturally I looked like someone possessed by a strange mixture of Jagger, Mercury and Tom Jones. I hasten to add, no one ever threw their knickers at me. I do think that people used to come and watch us just to see if I was going to have a heart attack. There were seven of us, two guitarists, a bass player, keyboard player, drummer and a singer, Hazel. Hazel was a little younger than the rest of us and so our main concern was keeping her sober enough to sing. It may indeed be rock n’roll but there is always a lot of waiting around when you’re in a band, hence the sober quest to stop Hazel’s drunken mumblings. Unfortunately we weren’t always successful.

Essentially it got me used to dealing with exuberant or rowdy crowds. It was also where I honed my John Peel impression, as one of the guitarists would always break a string, so it fell to me to fill the time. We toured as well, well we went to Brighton, although we were strictly there for 'one night only.' That's where the picture on the flyer was taken. Us attempting to carry Hazel in a Monkees homage, but subsequently dropping her. I recall one strange charity gig where we had to stop our set for a turkey auction. No one wanted the bird, (we weren’t even sure if it was still alive) but thankfully someone eventually put in a bid, so we picked our instruments back up, only to find there were more turkeys on offer.

They were indeed heady times, and are always looked back on with delightful relish. I’m not saying we all have to be in a band, just that next time you feel discombobulated with yourself, try to remember those flashes from the past that made up the scenery on the journey that brought you here. ​